therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
