is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
