I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize