He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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