He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
