It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
