My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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