Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
