Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
