I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
