Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
