Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
