Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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