Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
people are starting to question the shark bite story
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
