He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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