Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
