i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
