It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
