Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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