don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is that a dick in a sweater?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
