new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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