I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
