loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
