I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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