Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Panties = found
Randomize
