maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
