When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
