A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
