She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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