One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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