Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
