there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
