I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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