Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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