waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
