TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
