after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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