Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
