I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
