My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
