i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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