Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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