i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
