Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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