Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
