She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
