You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
