Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
