i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
