How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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