if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
