Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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