Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
