Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
