Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
