it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
