Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
