singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
