happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
