I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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