we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
