I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
