You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
