Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
