you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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