I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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