I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
