I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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