There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
