Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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