i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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