Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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