Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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