if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize